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Chicago, IL, United States
I'm Snarkalicious!

Friday, May 16, 2014

OBAMACARE IS DYSFUNCTIONAL

The Affordable Healthcare act aka Obamacare is broken.  I'm not criticizing just noting on where the breaks are in the new system that is affecting many people.  It's the facts.  It's not about what I approve or disapprove, but simply what "is". 
It's working quite well for many under employed or self employed folks but as a person who works in the medical field, working in the insurance department, I'll tell you the breaks are ugly.  We've had patients who came in the months of March or April for an exam and then get scheduled for injectables, lasers or surgeries in the months of May or June.  These same patients previously had either Medicare and Public Aid or just plain Public Aid.  As of May or June they've been switched over to these thriftier (pays for all their medication) plans we the "specialists" do not take.  These plans are now HMO's.  HMO's they aren't contracted with.  Now the answer is not simply "well then 'GET' contracted", because the hospital they're affiliated with is WHO enrolls physician groups for most insurances.  Secondly their practice (and I can safely say it applies with most specialist groups) is only capitated with certain medical groups of PCP's (primary care physicians.)  Our practice has to go through practically a 15 point check list every time they're on the phone with a prospective new patient making a "new patient" appointment.  You can no longer call up a doctor's office and ask, "do you take Humana?" or "Do you take Blue Cross" or "Do you take Aetna or Cigna" etc.
Now, Humana, Blue Cross, et al have all sorts of different programs.  Before calling the physician's office for an appointment, it's best to call your insurance company and ask if the "medical group" is contracted with them.  It may require calling the medical group's office and getting the name of the practice it bills under.  Also ask if the specific physician you're seeing also bills under that group.  Some physicians are affiliated with  two different hospitals and have multiple clinics where you'll be covered under one but not the other.  Even if the doctor tells you to follow up with him/her at the other location, YOU HAVE to be on top of it and question the billing of that visit.  You have to also make sure your specialists take your insurance as well.  
This is not applicable for only those enrolled in an HMO but also those of you who have a PPO.  Maybe you can choose your existing PCP but will you be able to see your specialists is the question you should also keep in mind.  Your PCP and specialists office staff are not advocates for you.  If you arrive with the wrong insurance card, an old insurance card, without your referral, have an expired referral, it is not their problem.  They do not have to be good sports and see you anyway.  They do not have to be good sports and CALL your PCP to fax the referral to them.  They don't have time for that, nor is it their job to do that.  That is your responsibility.  That's how your insurance works.  If you don't know that read your manual.  They do not have to be good sports and agree that you'll send it later. 99 percent never do.  They do not have to be good sports and see you pro bono.  They do not have to be good sports and agree to the amount of money you say you'll pay toward your bill.  It always blows my mind when I hear people dictate how much they will pay toward their visit when it was clearly told to them "bring $165".  We've had people rant and rave at reception saying they don't have the money when they were clearly told to bring it.  We document they were told in the computer in a flash alert.  I'm sure other practices document similarly.  $80.00 to $175 is not an unreasonable amount for a doctor's office to ask for upfront.  After all it is a business and they have staff to pay and an office to run.  It can't be about one single person who doesn't have it together on that day or a single person who just can't afford it.  Medical practices are getting less and less payment for services each year with a forever growing overhead.  So to make it all about "you", "mom/dad", "little Bobby" or whoever is unfounded.  NO you CAN'T "owe" your doctor's office.  If you go to the grocery store you have to pay up front.  Well it also applies to the doctor's office.  Most physician practices no longer practice old school "bill yuh later" for services rendered.  It can't afford it anymore.  I post this because many of my friends are forced to handle the affairs of their aging parents with this big switch and seeing the misfortunes at work "daily", I felt the need to point out some of the main issues of this broken system.  Using an HMO can be a challenge for some folks unless they know the rules.  Yes you need a referral for each and every visit.  Even if you're seen today and the specialist says come back in three days, it is not considered a "free" follow up.  Follow ups ARE office visits.  There is a charge and there is another copay.  I'm not saying you have to be happy about it, but it is what it is.   There is also an "expiration date" you have to keep in mind.  Your referral has an expiration date.  It is valid for so many days or months from the "date of issue" usually.  On occasion there is a valid until date on it.  Check to see how many visits your PCP has given you.  You may need more visits.  Don't be afraid to ask your specialist how often you may need to "follow up" with him/her.  Make sure that specialist sends a letter of clinical findings and updates on your condition to your PCP.  Your PCP needs this info in order to get you that next referral with perhaps multiple visits.  And lastly your referral may be good for consultation and treatment in the office for X amount of number of visits BUT it is NOT ok for the doctor to do a minor surgery, office lasers, or administer specialty injectables without a "surgical/specialty procedure referral".  For this you will most likely need to go on another day with a second procedure specific referral.  Be your own advocate.  Don't let them send you to the lab or radiology or anywhere without additional referrals for those hospital or medical center services.  If your PCP tells you they will fax it or enter it in the "system", (to be retrieved via computer by specialist upon entry by PCP)  you should call your specialist to make sure it's actually "IN THE SYSTEM".  I'm telling you it's NOT at least half the time.  It doesn't matter what your PCP's assistant or secretary says to you on the phone.  When they actually do it is when they're good and ready.  Not necessarily when you need it.  You may need to harangue and pester to get what you need but it's got to be done.  Yes it's trying and exhaustive and nerve wrecking but this is how it is.  Hopefully it will work as smoothly as some European nations one day.  But until then here's the skinny on the nightmare people are going through. 
These folks who chose certain HMO's to become effective this or next month, are now having surgeries cancelled because the specialists aren't capitated with their medical group.  Yes they were seen without a problem previously when they had Public Aid and or Medicare/Public Aid secondary but now they have an HMO.
The sad part about these people who were proactive by completing the exhausting task of finally finding a surgeon that takes their plan, to only discover THEY'RE NOT seeing NEW patients!  Say what?!  Yes that's "what".  
I've also seen many patients who've done all the right things.  "Chosen" a plan where they can see their PCP and specialists and all is good.  Wrong.  All is not good always, because some daydreamer somewhere on the planet (then again it could have been a computer glitch) did not get it right.  They are discovering after being scheduled for specialty services that they've been erroneously enrolled in a group NOT of their choosing.  This is happening ALL the time.  Choose an HMO group (insurance card and all) only to find out it's not in synch with the the powers that be.  In which case is the computer system.  Or choose an HMO group but your new card says differently.  Always look at your new card.  Make sure it has the correct info.  It is YOUR fault if you don't notice and you end up getting turned away or forced to pay up front.  You have to be responsible when it comes to choosing your health care and being apprised of changes and all the details.  If you are unable to comprehend this kind of matter, get help.  Like many who are mathematically challenged and can't do their own taxes they hire someone.  You may need to pay someone a few bucks to help walk you through the nuances of what it is you need to do.  Even if it's someone at your physician's office.  See if someone is willing to help you when they are "off duty".  This is as important as your health and life.

Affordable health care is Dysfunctional

The Affordable Healthcare act aka Obamacare is broken.  I'm not criticizing just noting on where the breaks are in the new system that is affecting many people.  It's the facts.  It's not about what I approve or disapprove, but simply what "is". 
It's working quite well for many under employed or self employed folks but as a person who works in the medical field, working in the insurance department, I'll tell you the breaks are ugly.  We've had patients who came in the months of March or April for an exam and then get scheduled for injectables, lasers or surgeries in the months of May or June.  These same patients previously had either Medicare and Public Aid or just plain Public Aid.  As of May or June they've been switched over to these thriftier (pays for all their medication) plans we the "specialists" do not take.  These plans are now HMO's.  HMO's they aren't contracted with.  Now the answer is not simply "well then 'GET' contracted", because the hospital they're affiliated with is WHO enrolls physician groups for most insurances.  Secondly their practice (and I can safely say it applies with most specialist groups) is only capitated with certain medical groups of PCP's (primary care physicians.)  Our practice has to go through practically a 15 point check list every time they're on the phone with a prospective new patient making a "new patient" appointment.  You can no longer call up a doctor's office and ask, "do you take Humana?" or "Do you take Blue Cross" or "Do you take Aetna or Cigna" etc.
Now, Humana, Blue Cross, et al have all sorts of different programs.  Before calling the physician's office for an appointment, it's best to call your insurance company and ask if the "medical group" is contracted with them.  It may require calling the medical group's office and getting the name of the practice it bills under.  Also ask if the specific physician you're seeing also bills under that group.  Some physicians are affiliated with  two different hospitals and have multiple clinics where you'll be covered under one but not the other.  Even if the doctor tells you to follow up with him/her at the other location, YOU HAVE to be on top of it and question the billing of that visit.  You have to also make sure your specialists take your insurance as well.  
This is not applicable for only those enrolled in an HMO but also those of you who have a PPO.  Maybe you can choose your existing PCP but will you be able to see your specialists is the question you should also keep in mind.  Your PCP and specialists office staff are not advocates for you.  If you arrive with the wrong insurance card, an old insurance card, without your referral, have an expired referral, it is not their problem.  They do not have to be good sports and see you anyway.  They do not have to be good sports and CALL your PCP to fax the referral to them.  They don't have time for that, nor is it their job to do that.  That is your responsibility.  That's how your insurance works.  If you don't know that read your manual.  They do not have to be good sports and agree that you'll send it later. 99 percent never do.  They do not have to be good sports and see you pro bono.  They do not have to be good sports and agree to the amount of money you say you'll pay toward your bill.  It always blows my mind when I hear people dictate how much they will pay toward their visit when it was clearly told to them "bring $165".  We've had people rant and rave at reception saying they don't have the money when they were clearly told to bring it.  We document they were told in the computer in a flash alert.  I'm sure other practices document similarly.  $80.00 to $175 is not an unreasonable amount for a doctor's office to ask for upfront.  After all it is a business and they have staff to pay and an office to run.  It can't be about one single person who doesn't have it together on that day or a single person who just can't afford it.  Medical practices are getting less and less payment for services each year with a forever growing overhead.  So to make it all about "you", "mom/dad", "little Bobby" or whoever is unfounded.  NO you CAN'T "owe" your doctor's office.  If you go to the grocery store you have to pay up front.  Well it also applies to the doctor's office.  Most physician practices no longer practice old school "bill yuh later" for services rendered.  It can't afford it anymore.  I post this because many of my friends are forced to handle the affairs of their aging parents with this big switch and seeing the misfortunes at work "daily", I felt the need to point out some of the main issues of this broken system.  Using an HMO can be a challenge for some folks unless they know the rules.  Yes you need a referral for each and every visit.  Even if you're seen today and the specialist says come back in three days, it is not considered a "free" follow up.  Follow ups ARE office visits.  There is a charge and there is another copay.  I'm not saying you have to be happy about it, but it is what it is.   There is also an "expiration date" you have to keep in mind.  Your referral has an expiration date.  It is valid for so many days or months from the "date of issue" usually.  On occasion there is a valid until date on it.  Check to see how many visits your PCP has given you.  You may need more visits.  Don't be afraid to ask your specialist how often you may need to "follow up" with him/her.  Make sure that specialist sends a letter of clinical findings and updates on your condition to your PCP.  Your PCP needs this info in order to get you that next referral with perhaps multiple visits.  And lastly your referral may be good for consultation and treatment in the office for X amount of number of visits BUT it is NOT ok for the doctor to do a minor surgery, office lasers, or administer specialty injectables without a "surgical/specialty procedure referral".  For this you will most likely need to go on another day with a second procedure specific referral.  Be your own advocate.  Don't let them send you to the lab or radiology or anywhere without additional referrals for those hospital or medical center services.  If your PCP tells you they will fax it or enter it in the "system", (to be retrieved via computer by specialist upon entry by PCP)  you should call your specialist to make sure it's actually "IN THE SYSTEM".  I'm telling you it's NOT at least half the time.  It doesn't matter what your PCP's assistant or secretary says to you on the phone.  When they actually do it is when they're good and ready.  Not necessarily when you need it.  You may need to harangue and pester to get what you need but it's got to be done.  Yes it's trying and exhaustive and nerve wrecking but this is how it is.  Hopefully it will work as smoothly as some European nations one day.  But until then here's the skinny on the nightmare people are going through. 
These folks who chose certain HMO's to become effective this or next month, are now having surgeries cancelled because the specialists aren't capitated with their medical group.  Yes they were seen without a problem previously when they had Public Aid and or Medicare/Public Aid secondary but now they have an HMO.
The sad part about these people who were proactive by completing the exhausting task of finally finding a surgeon that takes their plan, to only discover THEY'RE NOT seeing NEW patients!  Say what?!  Yes that's "what".  
I've also seen many patients who've done all the right things.  "Chosen" a plan where they can see their PCP and specialists and all is good.  Wrong.  All is not good always, because some daydreamer somewhere on the planet (then again it could have been a computer glitch) did not get it right.  They are discovering after being scheduled for specialty services that they've been erroneously enrolled in a group NOT of their choosing.  This is happening ALL the time.  Choose an HMO group (insurance card and all) only to find out it's not in synch with the the powers that be.  In which case is the computer system.  Or choose an HMO group but your new card says differently.  Always look at your new card.  Make sure it has the correct info.  It is YOUR fault if you don't notice and you end up getting turned away or forced to pay up front.  You have to be responsible when it comes to choosing your health care and being apprised of changes and all the details.  If you are unable to comprehend this kind of matter, get help.  Like many who are mathematically challenged and can't do their own taxes they hire someone.  You may need to pay someone a few bucks to help walk you through the nuances of what it is you need to do.  Even if it's someone at your physician's office.  See if someone is willing to help you when they are "off duty".  This is as important as your health and life.

Sunday, October 7, 2012

WORLD WAR TROIS FALLOUT

After the fallout of previously mentioned world war trois, I've managed to make an entire circle of friends uncomfortable with each other.  This was NOT my intention.  However if it's brought certain issues unrelated to my blog rantings to light, I can honestly say, it was probably over due.  
I never knew there was a regular "borrowing" situation among people I know and don't know very well.
Now I feel like as if I'm some sort of creep for simply pointing out how people who grossly mismanage money are foolish.  As if the words "money" "mis-managers" and "foolish" are something that is taboo to talk about.  WHY?  I'm not allowed to criticize people who can't live simply for awhile til they catch up?  I'm not allowed to think that my co-workers (three separate families) who have lost their homes are foolish?  Foolish for providing cell phones for each kid.  Spending over a hundred dollars a month on cable and internet.
Foolish for stopping at Caribou or Starbucks or McDonalds for coffee and/or breakfast every single day?  
Foolish for buying vending machine products in the afternoon everyday?  Paying for Nike brand shoes for the family.  Paying for mani/pedi's every payday.  
All I want to say is ARE YOU SERIOUS?  I'm making people uncomfortable for pointing these things out now and then.  Yeah, I'm so horrible for pointing out where they can save some money.  I'm such a beast.
The boss actually chimed in one day while I was having a conversation with a bankrupt co-worker about people's gross spending habits.  She chimed in and said, "that's no way to live".  Meaning not having cable or dish t.v. and Starbucks and mani/pedi's every pay day splurges is NO WAY TO LIVE.
I KID YOU NOT.  Her own words.  "NO WAY TO LIVE".
I've tried to help these people and spent more time than normal doing so.
Doing taxes free.  Making and selling them jewelry at too low a cost as a favor to them.  Giving them clothes, coats, furniture all FREE.  Asking for nothing in return ever.  And now that I'm broke because I've enrolled in business and marketing courses I'm treated like pond scum for not buying frikkin' school chocolate bars and other crap.  I'm treated as if I was an ass for not being to lend people a twenty now and then.  And treated like as if I was an ass for making budgeting suggestions.
Someone just shoot me.  Put me out of my misery because I am living in an alternate reality and I fucking can't stand it.  

Thursday, October 4, 2012

WORLD WAR TROIS

Seems I started world war trois with my previous posts.  Word from the wise.  Never rant about people you know if you're going to tell even one person your blog address.  Didn't know the link was emailed all the way to China.  Jesus.  Yes my blog has been read steadily by persons I know and I didn't even know it.  It was shared by people I know for 4 months. 
My name is Mud.
Well glad I amused you all.  Just wondered why no one has ever even mentioned or acknowledged reading my blog.


Thursday, September 27, 2012

I'M A MEAN BITCH. DO YOU FEEL GOOD ABOUT YOURSELF NOW?

I really want to laugh out loud at this one.  "Ted" a friend of a friend FINDS out about my last blog post and thinks I posted it because it was the day after I saw him mooch forty bucks from Rick.  LLLLOL.  Well hey "TED" like I always say, "IF THE SHOE FITS".  Do you even really think I care that you're pissed off?  Do you really think I even care if you think I'm nasty for thinking these things?  Do you think people don't mind lending others $20 or $40 or $100 bucks to friends who can't afford to be out socializing all the time?  Huh?  I lent you $20 bucks once and when I asked for it on pay day you said didn't have it yet.  Then what did I see you do that same night?  Yeah, you remember.  You bought a six pack to take to Rick's house.  And did I see that $20 that week?  No I didn't.  Did I see it the next week?  No I didn't.  You didn't pay it back to me til your next pay day.  YOU MAKE MORE THAN I DO!!!!
Anywaaaaaaaaaaaaaay........................................Next.
What's up with some people?  It's like their still stuck in an adolescent mind set.  Well I'm not your fucking mom!  I want to be paid back when I lend you money.  I want to be paid back ESPECIALLY when it's for SOCIALIZING.  If you can't afford to hang with friends at the local watering hole then don't. 
And when there's an emergency and I loan you money don't pay me back in five dollar installments.
I lent someone money for an emergency flight after she got news her dad passed away and I got paid twenty dollars every other week.  For the love of dear sweet baby Jesus!!!! Really?  A grown adult?  And get this, her mom asked me to help her.  ???????
: /
Uh o.k.  I'm nice.  I did.  But WHAT IN THE FUCK?????
Really?  Twenty dollar installments for $168.  Yep it was over four months.  That's nothing.  I have had a person borrow money from me and never pay it back because somehow she justified it with the mindset thought that I owed her for always picking me up to go places she wanted but didn't want to go to alone like the movies, clubs or malls.  Each time she asked I really didn't feel like it but then she'd whine like a kid and say, "I'll pick you up".  So I said o.k. because I didn't feel like shlepping all the way to Skokie which was a 20 minute bus ride after I had to walk 10 minutes to the bus stop.
There's another one who also never paid me back.  Why?  Because I'm "a bitch".  Oh I'm a bitch because I asked for my money back after the next pay day.  Oh the audacity of me.  Then I didn't say a word to this individual until the next pay day.  So because I kept "asking for money all the time" I was a "stingy heartless bitch" and therefore again justification to not pay me back.  People need reasons to hate those who bail them out to justify not ever paying them back.  They convince themselves that the person is well to do, doesn't need the cash, is stingy and cheap and a bitch because it makes them feel better about themselves for their adolescent behavior.  Cuz when one is broke, and the day comes where they actually get a few extra bucks from overtime or extra gigs, God forbid they pay off their debts.  
Nice children.
It's a riot when old ladies ask me why I don't want kids.  Probably because THERE'S SO MANY FUCKING CHILDISH ADULTS IN MY LIFE.  It's people like the above mentioned that made me wanna have my tubes tied. 
I have NEVER and I mean NEVER EVER once borrowed money from either my mother, father, siblings or grandparent. 
I wasn't a big saver.  But I'd rather starve than ask someone for anything.  I'll do without if I have to.  Not like some people who "can't live in an apartment without a doorman".  Yes I kid you not.  An unemployed person I know had to live in a building in the gold coast of Chicago and always asked to borrow money.  I'D FUCKING LIKE TO LIVE IN THE GOLD COAST OF CHICAGO IN AN APARTMENT WITH A DOORMAN!  ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
After I suggested another neighborhood, she said (I swear to God) "I'm really fearful".  She said that she get's so scared and that dark residential neighborhoods are the most frightening and she feared for her life because everywhere was ghetto except the gold coast.
Do you want to jab a fork through your head about now?  I did. 
So Ted if you really think we like lending you money all the time think again, because everyone thinks you're a pain in the ass.  They love you because you're hyper and hilarious but you know what that gets old after awhile.  Dear friend for the love of God grow up.  I like you fine but my last post really wasn't about you.  It was mostly about the drama queen slackers I have to deal with everyday.  And that just catapulted to a mega rant because I get frustrated listening to their shit on a daily basis.  It's why I'm going through plan "B".  When you're ready for your plan "B" give me a call.  But it's gonna cost yuh ; D  


Tuesday, September 25, 2012

MISERABLE INGRATES

Nothing like having the misfortune of wasting your time with miserable ingrates.  You know the type.  Persons in your life going through a rough patch who you spend all your spare time devoting trying to make their miserable life a little more cheerful.  Why?  Because they're good people.  Because you're a friend.  Because you feel like they need a little encouragement - to keep their chin up.  You spend hours listening to their "plan", their "issues", their "obstacles".  You pick up the tab at the bar, the cupcake place, a Starbucks, a diner, a restaurant or the movies.  You know the type.  BUT the thing that I find most unusual is when these same people also THEN write you off and throw you out of their life because you "got tough", "got blunt", got "critical" or became the disagreeable person who refuses to continue to enable and cater to their continuous bad decisions that WONT STOP.  Do I really care?  Not really.  It's a relief that I don't get bugged by people who continue with ridiculous behavior.  I'm the first one there when a person in my circle needs a hand, an ear, a hug or a voice.  But sometimes it just gets downright annoying when these folks don't snap out of their take take taking.  I finally got fed up with a friend who refused to get a blue collar job because she was college educated.  So she got evicted twice.  We bailed her out the first time.  The second time I was NOT going to do a damned thing or was I going to enable this bad behavior.  We're talking about an individual who found money for cigarettes and a couple beers at the pub EVERY SINGLE DAY.  I also find their volunteering "OFTEN" both confounding and astounding.  ARE YOU KIDDING ME???? You're spending your spare time volunteering when you could be working (or at best looking for gainful employment?)  How much more asinine can your reality be? Really?  And I'm going to loan them money for their cell phone and/or rent?????  Riiiiight.  When I see people childishly continuously spending on foolish things THEY DO NOT NEED I have to say, NO I WILL NOT HELP YOU OUT.  What in the fuckity fuck fuck?!  What I'm supposed to help pay for your doctor's visit, rent, car note, bus card, or emergency airfare when I see you buy stuff YOU DON'T NEED?  Seriously people will you snap out of it?  I'm in hock too!  I'm tired of helping people out when I barely have a pot to piss in myself.  Why people think I'm financially stable because I don't have any kids are royal asses.  They don't know the story of the shit in my life merely because I'm not one to complain of my woes.  I just simply plan my exit strategy and go for it.  A lot more I can say about folks who are stuck on old school ways and refuse to adapt to change.  Don't wanna do things my o.k. don't.  How's YOUR way workin' out for yuh?
Well tootles, it's been nice but I'm not gonna frantically care when shit happens to you anymore.  Buh bye and lotsa luck.

Monday, August 13, 2012

BORROWERS, EXCUSES AND COMPLAINERS

I know someone who annoys me to no end.  Yes she's a single mom who was a child when she had her three kids and still acts like a child when it comes to her finances.  Every week and a half she's flat broke and cries about not being able to get something or another.  It's always a drama.  Her kids school supplies, her kids school fees, her rent, her kids milk money.  It's always something. She doesn't manage her money.  She spends it without even thinking.  She'll get McDonald's breakfasts and large coffee every morning.  An energy drink in the afternoon.  Every single day.  Once she got invited to a wedding and spent $72.00 on a pair of shoes for it.  Again she doesn't think.  She's such a child and I find it sooooooo hard to find any sympathy at all what so ever for her.  
Sometimes when I see her eating her her bag of egg muffins, or pancakes and coffee I'd like to throttle her and say WHY DON'T YOU JUST FUCKING COOK AND BREW YOUR OWN COFFEE!!!!!! I shlep a sandwich maker to work to make my own lunches and here she's comes in with a Philly steak sandwich and fries or a gyro every day.  There's another one on the cusp of the same insanity except she gets a Starbucks coffee every morning and then buys two movies every pay day.  Then days before the next pay day she's broke and borrows.  Sometimes I get asked and sometimes she asks other people and then there is always the drama of her having to ask a relative when we all say no.  The tears and excuses I've overheard are just so stupid I just want to stick a hot poker in my eye.  
Excuses
Complainers
Excuse again
Complain some more
Pity party
Kvetch kvetch kvetch
It's the economy
It's Obama's fault
It's our country's fault
It's the illegal aliens fault
Complain again some more.
Don't take any responsibility.  
You've had a bad break.  You had a loser boyfriend, an irresponsible baby daddy, a cheating spouse, a philandering husband/wife, you lost your job, you can't find another one.  You accidentally got pregnant again.  You had a set back (fill in the blank).  
Stop making excuses.
Stop complaining and be responsible for all your actions past and present.
Act like an adult.
Get your GED
Downsize for awhile.  
Cook your meals.  Drink water.  Brew your coffee.  Make iced tea.  Go to the farmers market.  Buy your clothes at a thrift shop til you catch up.  Stop sleeping in 12 hours a day.  Get a second job if you have to.  Get any job. Humble yourself.  This is a life challenge.  Kick the challenge in the ass.  Get over your crappy childhood, get over the decade you spent with a douche bag or slut.  Stop the drama.  Get your act together for the love of God.  For the love of your kids.  Your parents.  Your future kids.  How about just for the love of yourself.  
I think I'd be more inclined to help out a friend who I saw making an effort managing their money.  If I saw her/him spending carefully and thriftily I'm sure I wouldn't.
But when I see you buying foolish nonsense every time I see you when you have a few bucks yeah I'm gonna have a problem with you.
The first time I lent a co-worker $20.00 on a Wednesday before Friday pay day  the very next morning I saw her walk in with a large cup of Caribou coffee in hand with a Caribou bag of something to eat I'm sure.  I just gave my look of death stare for a long 3 seconds and walked away.
I was never asked again.
Stop asking me for cash when you mismanage your money.  
You ask me to do your taxes and I do them free.  I help you when I give you hand me downs.  I give you my things free of charge.  I've done it for years and yet you treat me like crap. 
Why?
I don't know why.
Do you think you are special?
Is it because you have no more use of me now that I'm broke too?
O.K. so now that the veins in my neck are bulging out after I told you about the many jobs I knew were available down town which you didn't take because you'd have to be on your feet all day and God forbid they asked you to work over time during the holidays, I'm supposed to feel sorry for you?
Fuck you and fuck all of you who think you're too special to take the train, or a bus because there are derelicts on them.  Fuck you for thinking you're too good to take a job that's beneath your level of education.  
I'm over you people.
I'm over your toxicity.
I'm over listening to you complain.
I'm over trying to help you.
I'm over ever helping you.
I'm over your lack of humility.
I'm over your drama.
I'm over your crocodile tears.
I'm over it period.
Leave me alone.  I am now broke.  But I'm doing something about it.
I am tired of being drained by ingrates.
Decades of ingrates who think they know it all.
Ingrates who think I owe them.
Ingrates who abuse Christian fellowship to use it to their advantage.
Ingrates who think they're entitled.
Ingrates who scheme the system.
Ingrates who lie.
Ingrates who mislead.
Ingrates who use people.
I am done.  Stick a fork in me.

Sunday, July 15, 2012

REVELATIONS

So me and an ex (one I'm on friendly terms with) are on his roof hoping to catch some aurora borealis activity as predicted and we got to talking.  Ah when there are no distractions like t.v. and stereo it's amazing what revelations come to surface.  So we were talking about his attitude and sarcasm with me after the break up.  Every now and then we'd call each other to catch up, shoot the shit or discuss something in current events.  Sometimes we'd go out.  Every single time we'd see each other and most of the time during our convos he'd get short with me for no rhyme or reason.  It was a bug up my ass and I really was determined to extract the reason tonight.  Weeeeell I actually think I may have the answer or at least one of the answers to this mystery.  Sheesh, talk about grudges.  We break up when I no longer could deal with his constant criticisms about (my personal challenges) that I just stepped away.  I expected no apology or anything.  I chalked it up to irreconcilable differences.  We went our separate ways.  I never thought we'd get back together or that he had any desire to "talk about it" or "work it out".  One of the two things was about my weight and diet.  Yes I weighed a bit too much but I wasn't obese.  I was wearing a size 10!  I wasn't even 150 lbs.  It did border ridiculous in my opinion.  Of course if I was looking at a man's perspective and if I didn't like "pudgy" women, I wouldn't ask them out in the first place.  Not ask someone out, who to me was "sub par" then command her to change from carnivore to vegetarian and then expect such "non morning" person to hit the gym every morning at the crack of dawn.  
Anyhoo I come to find his pissyness was ALL ABOUT the fact that he heard I was dating someone after we were apart a month.  It's true.  I dated someone 3 weeks after I stepped away.  Some ol' lady I met at the hospital hooked me up with her son a financial planner.  Maybe to many people it was a sleazy or slutty thing to do, but I am not one to waste time because life is short.  I am not big on pining.  I have, but I'm not big on it.  I pined for 2 men ever.  That is it.  Aside for them, I MOVE ON.  This guy was not really sweet with me and it's not like my leaving was a big mystery.  He was warned.  Being that I don't apologize for my actions he was inflamed that I didn't apologize months later for leaving him for someone else.  HUH?  How did things get twisted into that?  I left you NOT FOR SOMEONE ELSE SUNSHINE.  I left you because I had enough.  Yep then he was also pissed I didn't try to reconcile months later when we saw each other at a party for the first time after breaking up.  (I was no longer seeing the financial planner)  First of all you are a shit to me and I leave you, why should I apologize or try to reconcile after the fact?  I AM NOT NOR WAS I EVER YOUR TYPE.  I moved on because you didn't love me as I am and I should apologize for that?  Really?  I am seriously tired with guys being shits and deflecting our issues (or their issues) as MY FAULT.  Not to mention the warped perspective of seeing me as a cheater.  Seriously Bubba?  It's pure asininity.  In '06 I went out with another guy (total douche bag) who dumps me because I wouldn't go halfsies with him on a house.  First we weren't married.  Secondly what I'd be paying would be double what I pay on my condo now.  How is that in my best interest?  I'm supposed to bust my ass and get a second job for what YOU want you son of a bitch?  If I weren't in your "financial" league to begin with why the fuck did you ask me out?  So weeks later when he came by to return my moccasins and hoodie, I was at the back door waiting for him chatting on my phone with my friend (who's party I was on my way to).  When he arrived I grabbed the bag and started walking away not pausing for a second other than to say thanks.  He screams "AREN'T YOU GOING TO TALK TO ME?"  I didn't turn around but my neighbors told me he was steaming furious.  I sent him an email more or less saying, "you dumped me. It's over." I came to find out his dumping me was a manipulative ploy and he wasn't serious.  I'm not a child and your reverse psychology shit is not going to work on me.  In fact anyone who would attempt such dumb shit moves is going to also get the opposite effect.  Dumb asses.  I'm too old for this stupid mind fucking.  
Well who knew that a woman is supposed to apologize for moving on?  I sure as hell didn't.  If you're not showing the love, yeah I'm going elsewhere.  I'm sorry.  Nah, I take that back.  I'm really not.  

Monday, May 21, 2012

I MISS YOU, I MISS YOU NOT

My recent dating life after a puncture through the heart hasn't been easy.  I was doing it with half a heart.  And when I finally got back into
the "dating game", I meet guys who are also dating with "half a heart".
I can thoroughly love being in a man’s company, and perhaps it's the same with them, BUT I can’t say I was feeling "the magic" at all.
Initially I wasn’t feeling anything because I wasn’t completely healed.  But after getting closure I’m still not feeling it. I’m not feeling it
because I’m not feeling any sort of a reciprocity.  Maybe I’m not the man’s dream girl.  Maybe these men are not completely healed from
a great big love loss.  I don’t know.  But since my tragic life took a turn from the ugliest sad I've known in decades, I've dated four different
blokes.  Four different stories.  For different reasons these were all short term.  Some not ready or perhaps not ready to move
on with me.
The last one, we'll call "Man of mystery" asked me out lots.  I overlapped dating him with another bloke who asked me out several weeks
after meeting me.  He is busy with work and going out of town quite often.  We'll call him "Travelin' Man".

Only one of the men I've dated recently have "warmed up" to me.  The only one being the one who was 24 years younger than me.
Why he fancied me, I'll never get.  We went out a lot in a group and also a couple times alone.
I had to cut the cord.  We did get along great and had the greatest chats but let's get real.  I don't live in Hollywood and I'm not a diva.
We're still friends but I'm thinking the days of going to The Tilted Kilt are long gone.

Lately the problem has been the "warming effect".  Or lack there of.  If someone I’m spending time with is not going to compliment me or
show affection how could I invest too much heart in that relationship for it to flourish?

If I find someone with whom I’m similar with is it doomed?  The elders used to say opposites attract.  They advised I should look for those
bland and blasé sorts which worked for my personality type.  You know those studious, serious and all business types?  I was always just
comfortable with these “good” men.  They were kind and good to me and it’s why I always “stayed”.  We simply “got along”.  It was never
blissful love with bottle rockets and earth movement.  There was never that mutual enjoyment of life’s little pleasures nor were we  the type
of couple that can look at the other in the eyes and know what the other was thinking.  However the one element, the "glue" that kept us
together was there wasn't that ridiculous pride holding back the words “I’m sorry, thank you, help me or I love you.”
Enjoyable and peaceful and comfortable was all those unions ever were plain and simple.  But they spoiled me because I equate comfort and
love with professions.  I want to hear "I love you", "I miss you", "gosh that dress looks pretty on you".  What's the matter pride getting
in the way somewhere?  What's up with that?  I don't think I want someone so consumed with his pride stuck between his sphincter and his
small bowel that he can't pay a compliment to me.  Yeeesh the thought brings the repulsive memory of a friends' douche bag ex to mind.
It made me so sick that he couldn't once compliment my beautiful, thoughtful, talented, smart girlfriend.  It killed him to tell her she looked
sexy or say I'm proud of you.  Well he killed me and eventually she killed the relationship.  (Thank God)

The guys of late are much like me, much to the chagrin of “the elders”.  Men who are high energy movers and shakers with creativity and mobility but
I’m not feelin’ the love.  I am not sure if they’ve been badly burned and are skittish and fearful, think I’m “trouble” cuz I’m sorta pretty.
Intimidated because they think I’m “scary smart” as my friend Ms Smith calls it and friend Roger tells me.  But I am not going to “dumb down”
like I did circa 1980′s.  I am appalled that that’s what we did to “get the guy”.  We did do that and I’m not proud.  If it takes the rest of my
short little life to find someone who isn’t afraid to tell me I’m beautiful, tell me he’s crazy about me, say he misses me, is unopposed to
holding my hand, buy me flowers (or steal them from the bushes) then I will not invest any of my heart to him.

I’m not lookin’ to be a September bride this year or next but any guys who may read this, know that if you continue to go too long without
showing your emotions and sharing your feelings she will be gone.  If you’re damaged from a relationship gone wrong get therapy and don’t
date.  Don’t go spending your money on steak dinners, the theatre or trendy bars down town expecting that it's going to create a perfect
union.  At least going through those motions will NOT make ME warm up to you.  You just CAN’T go through that sort of courting process
thinking that this is what one does to move on from a heartbreak.  This is truly NOT the correct wooing process.

Please do us all a favor and don’t move on until you’re ready.  You need to soul search to know what makes me or any other woman tick and
it’s not a steak dinner.  It’s appreciated and I am honoured by the gesture but it is not the way to my heart.  Perhaps heal yourself of
whatever it is that needs to be healed.  If that’s not the case then work on the “pride” the “id” and your “ego” then maybe we’ll talk again.

Monday, February 6, 2012

THE DISMISSIVE BOYFRIEND

I had the unpleasant experience to watch a man totally dis his girlfriend.  He works at the same place as me.  I’ve seen this strange behavior my whole life.  It’s usually a guy who flirts blatantly or not so blatantly with me.  Yuh know the guy who likes to loaf around a minute or two when he’s passing by your office.  I've seen this kind of asinine behavior since I got my first job.

On my way home, I see the two of them on the bus on their way to either 1.his place 2.her place or 3.their place.  He mentioned they had been to the movies downtown.  The first thing he did was NOT introduce her to me.  Secondly the woman and I did most of the talking.  Firstly he started talking shop so that it was evident to “the lady” that we worked at the same place.  Then I asked what movie they saw, which segued the conversation to the movies topic. The woman did all the talking.  She mentioned “we like to rent action and thrillers for the most part” in the conversation.  So to me this says she’s his girlfriend.
When I saw him the next day, I said, “Your girlfriend IS adorable”.  He scrunched his nose and narrowed his eyes and quickly said, “she’s NOT my girlfriend”.  Okey dokey dude.  Is this something you’re telling me in the event that I may suddenly start to fawn all over you alluding to the possibility “I’d like to see you sometime”?  Ugh!  Guys who do this annoy the crap out of me.  In my heavy duty Facebook days I’d see guys NOT add their girlfriends in their “Relationship with” status.  Really?  Your girlfriend DOES but you do NOT.  WHY?  I’m sure there are probably one or two good reasons one may not.  But “Full of shit” is actually the main reason.  If you are not proud and loud about your girlfriend or fiancé you are a douche bag.  If you are constantly going stag everywhere but going home to bed with your girlfriend, again I say you are a douche bag.  Ladies who read this if your man is not ga ga over you, move on.  He’s just NOT THAT INTO YOU.  If he doesn’t call, show consideration to you, introduce the world to you as his girl, take you with him to the clubs, bars, restaurants, family gatherings then ditto.  If he's always touchy feely with you, walks hand in hand with you and suddenly stops when someone he knows is around DO YOU NOT find this suspicious?  That happened when I bumped into my girlfriend's brother.  I knew he was seeing a family friend and here he is at a Whole Foods with his arm around another lass.  I see the arm quickly being removed and I stood there listening to him quickly tell me, "this is Kelly, we work together, we are buying healthy snacks for the office."
Then he says, "HellCat is Mac and Kim's friend she works around here.  Well we have to get back to the office, nice to see yuh. Bye".  Talk about a brush off.  Sheesh.

So ladies, if he doesn’t introduce you as his girlfriend to his lady friends,  buddies or relatives, it means you’re not good enough or special enough to him.  There IS NO other explanation.  If you’re not important enough for him to include you in events, gatherings, work parties, etc. please for the love of God move on.  You are wasting your time with someone who is so obviously keeping his options open.  He wants the women of the world to know he is readily available for someone hotter, wealthier, or more influential than you.  You are not wife material in his eyes.  I pity the guy who tries that crap with me or someone I know in my presence.  I'd do a loud number on him to the effect of, "UH EXCUSE ME but we just SCREWED last night and now I'm JUST "HellCat", NOT your "girlfriend HellCat". RAWWWER HISSSS!!!!!!!!!!! Buh bye!

Wednesday, February 1, 2012

DATING DYSFUNCTIONAL?

Know anyone completely inept at meeting a man/woman.  Does he/she always do "something" that inevitably sabotages that second or third date?  I know a few someones.  God knows why they come to me.  Because when women come to me, "They DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT".  But they'll listen to a man.  Gee go figure.
A man will storm off when I give them advice as well.  But later I find out the advice was well heeded.  Sheesh.
I will just leave it to Greg for the eloquence since I seem to just suck at it.  Greg is "spot on" with what it is you're doing wrong.  Ladies you'll feel at ease with his kind heart and George Clooney voice.  You'll get a wealth of information that you'll never find in 5 self help books or any Christian Carter seminar. Guys, when you talk with Greg you'll be amazed with his strategy and walk away happier to find out that "it's NOT COMPLICATED". 
Learn the "right" maneuvers, not the wrong ones you learn from your "single" buddies or "single" gal friends.
Here is his "goldmine" of a link.  Enjoy the treasure of knowledge.

Thursday, January 26, 2012

HOW MUCH VALIDATION DO YOU NEED?

After hearing this same rant and reading this same rant on blog after blog, or one Facebook entry after another I also need to rant.
It gets me half crazed every time I hear “the story” from someone.  I’ve been lucky in life to not have had to endure such drama.
(I suppose there’s still time left. I’ll keep my fingers crossed, especially since I’m not getting younger.)
Dear Men, (To those who this applies)
WHY DO YOU NEED CONSTANT VALIDATION? 
Your woman tells you how handsome you are.  Your woman has eyes only for you.  Your woman loves you unconditionally.  Your woman sticks by you through thick and thin.  When you’re ill or when you lose the house.  She’ll stick by you when you lose your job.  She’ll stick by you when the times are tough.  She’ll downsize.  She gives you maid service.  She’ll travel through sleet to drop off the lunch you forgot at home.  She’ll bust her ass and climb through hell and high water just because she loves you.  Then BAM you WILL RISK IT ALL for just a little validation.  I had no idea there were so many gamblin’ men out there.  I AM NOT talking about those who are still legally married on the way out of marriage, because frankly if you are done you are done.  Legal docs or not.  You don’t count in this case.  Neither do you guys who are in a mutual partnership where both parties “tolerate” each other and stay together for the sake of the kid(s) and family unit.  I’m not excusing infidelity but it’s at least understandable and shouldn’t be so shocking to the spouse should it be found out.  I’m talking about a solid relationship where “dude” comes out of left field with these antics.
I’m talking about the “engaged” guy.  The “almost engaged” guy.  The guy already over 35 seriously thinking about settling, after meeting a real “treasure”.  And the married guy with the girl of his dreams.
What the hell is your problem??  I want to know why you REQUIRE so damned much validation.  WHY ARE YOU STILL registered with Match.com or what ever you use?  Why are you “chatting” on dating sites?  Why are you flirting with the “new” girl at work?  Why are you going out after work with her?  Why are you meeting with woman from your youth who you’ve re-connected with on Facebook?  Have you lost your mind?  Are you schizophrenic?  Will you get this through your head already “YES YOU ARE ATTRACTIVE ENOUGH TO GET THE YOUNG ONES”.  “YOU ARE SEXY”.  “YOU ARE SMART”.  “YOU ARE WITTY AND AMUSING”.  Now STOP IT!  If you wish to continue with your escapades then PLEASE tell your supposed “steady/fiancé” your wishes for an open relationship.  It’s only fair.  Who knows maybe she’ll be game.  Maybe she’ll like the idea that she can keep her options open.  You NEVER know.
Now if it’s your wife, well that’s another story.  STOP IT! OR LEAVE.  Life is short.  Do you or don’t you want to be happy from now til the day you die?  If wifey DOES NOT make you blissfully happy, then do the decent thing and go to therapy, tell her, work on it or just get the hell out!  Just do something other than philander/hang out with or have intimate chats, whether it be cyber or otherwise.  Whether you like it or not, you CAN NOT HAVE your cake and eat it too.  If you think YOU can YOU SUCK and you’re an ass.  Go back to your man cave and be a man whore with your fellow floozies. 
O.K. I’m done.